I LOVE MYSELF - chapter 1

You’ve shown me I have reasons
I should love myself (oh)
I’ll answer with my breath, my path

The me of yesterday, the me of today, the me of tomorrow
(I’m learning how to love myself)
With no exceptions, it’s all me

English translation from Answer: Love Myself (by BTS)

I throw my school bag on my desk then sit on my chair between my two friends. I have three close friends. They are all slim and beautiful. One of them is the shooting guard of basketball team. One of them is the member of debate team that won the provincial championship. And the last one is the captain of choir team.

Me? I was just an average student with average appearance. I joined basketball club because I love LeBron James, I play at the same position as him. And one day, BOOM! Three awesome girls become my BFFs. People around me didn’t give me any nick name. I didn’t recall them calling me chubby or pig but I think it’s because they are afraid my friend will kick them in the butt. Yeah, Aria’s body is a little thick and she has toned arms which sometimes I envy of. She has that nice, athletic body because she comes from athlete’s family and she dribbled the ball before she could talk. I don’t exaggerate about that. Her dad told me once.

I sigh.

“Why?” asked Aria. “Still worry about gaining weight?”

Riley flicked her finger on my forehead and sit on my desk. “Morning.”

“Ouch.” I fixed my bangs.

“I don’t understand with your nonsense about fat,” Quinn chirped in. “If you’re standing behind Aria, nobody can see you.”

 I showed her my ugliest face.

Quinn has a very beautiful voice. I feel like she can hypnotize people with her voice. Maybe she did hypnotize the counselor because she became the choir team captain on her eighth months joining the club. Riley is the smartest of us all. You can guess by her glasses (but she is still lovely without it). She’s the ace of the debate team. So don’t try to argue with her. She can turn your own words back to you with a knife stabbed through your heart as addition. Just say yes to all her requests and you will live to see another bright day.

Bell rings and all the students wait for the teacher patiently. Days went by indifferently. Morning until afternoon we study in the classroom and then we go to our extra clubs. I walk by the park to the basketball court. There I watch all the girls from the cheerleading squad doing their routines.

Sometimes I stopped for a while to enjoy the song they used. Nothing happened. But a few days back I feel that. I envy those girls. They have curvy yet slim bodies and silky hairs. Even their voices were nice. Insecurities. That’s it. I said it.

“You’re late, my dear,” pointed Aria. “Stopped at the park too long, I supposed. What did you do there? Did the routines with them?”

“Ha ha, you’re not funny,” I replied. “They’re not that bad, Aria. They asked me to do some warm-ups with them.”

“I never said that they’re bad. I just said that they belonged to another world. Another level than us. ” Aria tied her long hair and check her shoelaces. “No offense but you’re at our level, honey, second tier. See and watch them but do not touch, say two to three words to them but do not approach.”

I roll my eyes, mocking her. I suppose doing what my head told me but I can’t stop my legs going to that cheerleaders directions. I started looking at the mirror longer than usual, weighed my body twice a day, measured my hip.

“Why won’t these cheeks go away? I only eat sweet potato and milk for breakfast and lunch and nothing for dinner but they’re still here.” I pressed and blew them many times. “Don’t give up. Less meal means less cheeks. Less meal means less cheeks,” I repeated those like it’s a life motto.  

To be continued...